Which lyrics best describe you? “My Skinny Minnie is my hearts desire, every time I see her sets my soul on fire.” Or, “The Fat Boys are back, and you know that they’ll never be wack?"

If it’s number two, and you’re back but fat, then toss your half-calf, double fat, fatty-fatty-two-by-four, latte mocha pounds-and-more, and get your Wulong on at Infusium-tea.com. Here’s the skinny, Infusium-tea.com claims that with a daily gulping, at 75 cents a day, of their 100% authentic, Wulong Tea, your “pounds will melt away.” We know what you’re thinking...snake oil. Well Debbie Downer, go ask Oprah, the Queen of Quality, or Rachael Ray, Royalist of Recipes and find out why they love these leaves. If you believe that Trimspa costs too much, Ephedra gets you too high, and exercise, well, can start after the OC, annnnnd, well, maybe tomorrow, then your diet-date is brewing now at Infusium-tea.com.

Love to love to love ya! That’s our song, everytime we log on…to our Macs that is. So, when shopping for iPod speakers, imagine our joy when discovering Welovemacs.com.

So this is love! Ooh I need your lovin, C’mon baby take me home! Was Diamond Dave singing about iPod speakers? Well, probably not, but you might as well jump over to Welovemacs.com anyway, and check out their rockin’ cache of iPod speakers; you’ll wanna dance the night away. Hey Ladies! Get Beastie with their iPod Groove Purse Tote w/ Built in Speaker & Amplifier System. And dudes, since a purse is probably not your favorite way of Rocking in the Free World, then how about Welovemacs.com’s iPod/Powerbook Portable Penguin Speakers? Ahhh, just kidding, we know you wanna get Back in Black with their iPod Hi-Fidelity Home Tower Speaker System With Sub & Remote! That’s the way, un-huh un-huh, we love macs, un-huh un-huh.

You can hear ‘em comin’ a mile away. Thwack, thwack, thwack, thwack. Hawaiian’s call them slippers. Mom calls ‘em thongs. Everyone knows them as flip flops (for their flippin’ and floppin’ sound as you stride).

Your uber comfy, sometimes leather, sometimes foamy, sometimes plastic, always cool sandals are no longer just pads for your aqua bound feet. But hey, don’t just buy any flip flops, that’s no fun. From Barney’s to the 99 cents store, everyone sells flip flops. However, Mellas and havaianas are the coolest and Shopbop.com does not flip flop on the issues! You’ll be thwack, thwack, thwackin’ around in style with their Mella Terry Flip Flops or Havaianas Golden Flower Flips. Flip Flops are high fashion and everywhere now. Just ask the 2005 Northwestern Women’s Lacrosse team whose members wore flip-flops to the White House when meeting W after their National Championship. Perhaps they flipped out like John Kerry?

You’ve been called Boho, Crunchy, Tree-hugger, Deadhead, Granola and on and on till’ the break of dawn. People point and stare, then giggle. But they don’t get it.

You are not a grungy hippie. While your beloved, worn in, strapped Birkenstocks may suggest an abundance of Dark Star headphone hours or leaf-like twirls in your favorite floor-length, tie-dyed prairie dress, the truth is, you’re wearing the most comfortable sandals on the planet and your feet thank you every time they’re strapped on. By the way, people who wear Birks don’t really care what you think; they’re too busy walking on air. Just ask Leonardo DiCaprio, Gwyneth or the staff at Shopzilla, who love their Boston Mocha Suedes. According to bestoftrendy.blogspot.com, Birkenstocks can even get you in the sack faster than Carrie Bradshaw’s Manolo Blahniks! Back in the day, Birkenstocks were available only in industrial grey with a black sole. And if you rocked them, ownership of a Dead bootleg or Volkswagen Van was de rigeur. But now, there are a massive number of new colors and designs available at Birkenstockcentral.com. Hey, you never know, you may want to look into Greenpeace next.

When the chips are down, go all in. Texas Hold’em? Not the Lone Star State’s detention center you’re thinking of. A royal flush works wonders in the bathroom, but even better at the tables.

Big blind, small blind…either one is fine, you’ve got dough, and you’re in the game. If you know what we’re talking about, then take your hand straight to pokernstuff.com and buy-in to their full house of poker and gambling accessories. Poker is serious business these days, and there’s no-limit to the amount of fun to be had and money to win. Sharks such as Joe Hachem and Annie Duke have combined for more than $12,000,000 in winnings playing poker. And celebs such as Mimi Rogers, Ben Affleck, and James Woods have all logged major hours and won serious dough at the tables. The World Series of Poker is cool and features a Leading Lady Tournament where the ladies get paid! Aside from the top dollar, Hollywood, high stakes, hoopla, the most fun you can have playing poker is the same way Tony Soprano does it… a few friends, a living room, a poker table and chips, and a few bottles of your favorite drink. Pokernstuff.com carries everything you need to host your own poker party. If you’re not quite ready to show your hand in public or your poker face only fools the cat, then try online poker sites such as partypoker.com, pokerstars.com or paradisepoker.com and hone your skills in private. Remember, be kind to your dealer, they have the best stuff.

Uggh, you need new tires. We usually just kick 'em and see what happens. But then again, we live in Los Angeles,

where everyone rides with a AAA card, and an Iced Caramel Macchiato, but no jack, spare or knowledge of how to use either. Even if you can change a tire, eventually you’ll have to buy a new one, four, or even eight. Egads, Joe Mechanic says you need to replace them all? Pirellis, Goodyears, Michelins, oh my! Jeez, where to start? Buywheelstoday.com navigates over the hills and through the woods, saving a scare from the big, bad, tire wolf and his pack of deal-toting salesmen. Tread stylishly with their simple search windows. Finding new wheels and tires is as easy as sitting on the 405 freeway, at any time of day. Search by brand, make/model, or by size. That’s easy isn’t it? They even have a Nitrogen Inflation Service! A what? Oh yeah, we’re from Los Angeles, car driving, capital of the nation.

Karaoke is hilarious, embarrassing, and in some cases, life altering to the nth degree. Hilarious: Our masculine, co-worker drunkenly serenading us with, (You Make Me Feel Like) A Natural Woman.

Embarrassing: Our masculine, co-worker drunkenly serenading us with, (You Make Me Feel Like) A Natural Woman. Life altering: American Idol! The biggest difference between you and your friends singing Abba's "Dancing Queen" or Bon Jovi's "You Give Love a Bad Name" in your living room or local bar, and Taylor Hicks crooning, "Georgia On My Mind" on national television is that he could have been sent home, while you, and your singing crew can belt or warble it out all night, every night, to the benefit or dismay of your audience (or neighbor). Acekaraoke.com can help take some of the humility out of the mix (or at least confine it to your bedroom), and with their humongous variety of songs, karaoke machines, music books, microphones and more, keep you fully prepared for your next karaoke jam or clams. While acekaraoke.com does offer such titles as Disney Karaoke, The Songs of The Eagles, Karaoke 101, and Tropical Zone Latin Hits 1125, as wells as custom built karaoke systems, club systems, DJ/KJ Lighting among other vocal varieties, unfortunately, they do not provide, apology letters, singing lessons, ear plugs, and most importantly, liquid courage!

We established that soccer is the most popular sport in the world. Globally, that’s great. But how about bringing it all back home, USA style? Guess what the most popular American sport is?

Here’s a hint. Instead of balls, whistles and referees, it features high octane fuel burners, green, red, black, yellow, checkered flags, happy hours, lugnuts, Talladega nights, and athletes such as Dale Earnhardt, Jr., Jeff Gordon, and Jimmie Johnson. It’s certainly not badminton…that’s right, NASCAR! When was the last time 107,097 fans showed up for an NFL, NBA or MLB game as they did for the Chevy American Revolution 400? Claim the pole position with one turn at the wide variety of NASCAR licensed items at Racefanfurniture.com The Dale Jarrett UPS Chair or Nextel Cup NASCAR Beanbag chair may provide some relief when your donut spinning head overheats. Ladies and Gentleman…start your engines.